Feb 02

Resignation

By Dracophile 3 Years 5 Months & 2 Days in the Life of Dracophile 6 Comments »

I have been absent from a lot of things lately for a variety of reasons; I’ve been conspicuously MIA from MCCP (I’m there just kind of aloof) and my updates here at VV.com have been kind of sporadic lately and off-schedule. There’s been a few ongoing things in my life that have been on my back for some time now and very recently a lot of them reached their breaking point and became too overwhelming to properly deal with. I am not going to divulge the nitty gritty details of the events because they are personal and I do not feel comfortable sharing them publicly, but in short I am resigning my columnist position here at VV.com indefinitely, and until further notice I will no longer be writing 3 Years, 5 Months, & 2 Days in the Life of Dracophile. The column has not moved elsewhere and I have no plans to start anything with GatorAIDS.com right now. I need some time away from things so I am simply severing a few things that are beginning to lose their luster to me. I do not want writing to be a chore for me, and overusing it as a crutch will eventually turn it into that ala RFSHQ. Writing is an art that I cherish and hold close to me, and writing out of anger or misplaced emotion will only tarnish the art’s image in my mind, which is a mistake I have decided to not make a second time.

I apologize to my readers and fans of my column here, I really wanted to make it a lot longer than #23 and I personally was looking forward to putting together a “best of 2010″ summary but my article tally for this year is bottoming out at four. I am very appreciative of all of your support and love (and hate too I guess) and wish to extend a very warm thank you. I enjoyed my time here but I think it’s best for now if I let things lie as they are in my life.

See ya around, space cowboy. You’re gonna carry that weight with you.
- Dracophile

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Dec 30

Roastmaster vs. iRANiAN.CYBER.ARMY Part Deux

By Roastmaster The Passion of the Roastmaster 1 Comment »

Well, about a week ago I posted here in regards to this “hacking” that took place on Twitter supposedly carried out by the “iRANiAN.CYBER.ARMY”, a group that I assume is comprised entirely of Iranian 11-year-olds who are unable to get their pilots licenses yet so rather than waste time playing with trash and AK-47s they took the liberty of jazzing up Twitter late 90’s style.

I wanted to be all over this like some kind of a racist joke about rice or Ethiopians so I sent an email out to this “army” posing as a Norwegian news reporter. My email, as you can probably still see on the front page of VitalViper.com, was mostly a stab at them thinly veiled as an interview. Honestly in hind sight that was probably a stupid move and they might have bombed my house but then again these people were dumb enough to use Gmail, and that’s unfortunately the nail in the casket here; I emailed them and the next day when I checked my inbox I had that ominous message from the MAILER DAEMON informing me that my message delivery was “permanetely failed forever” or something equally as insulting and demeaning. Thanks Google, thanks for telling me that I EPIC PHAIL’D on sending terrorists an email. :(

I’ve attempted to look into this “news” further since it happened so I’d have at least something of merit to say but honestly trying to search for anything just brings up an equal portion of idiot bloggers echoing the sentiment “OH NOEZ TEH TWITTAR WAS HAXORD ;______;” and policially-skewed news websites trying to groundlessly tie this into some kind of Anti-American attack ON AMERICAAAAAAATERRORISMMMBLARGH. After wading through all of this nonsense online I have come to this conclusion: Twitter freaking deserved it, and they deserve to have it happen again. Just look at how stupid the people who take it as SRS BIZNZ are acting about it. Seriously. Twitter barely passes as “social media”, it’s more like text message trash that you’d never want to read and had the pool of Tweets not been tainted by middle-schoolers talking about how they want to bang the cast of Avatar or whatever MAYBE Twitter would have sufficed as a kind of syndication if RSS hadn’t been developed some five billion years ago.

Where’s the job application for that CYBER ARMY OF IRAN because I’d like to be in on their next op.

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Dec 22

Roastmaster vs. iRANiAN.CYBER.ARMY

By Roastmaster The Passion of the Roastmaster 6 Comments »

Roastmasterlogo

Right, so for those of you who do not know me I’m Roastmaster. I’m not goint to take up an entire article to introduce myself so just deal with it. I’m an Internet comedian, I know Dracophile, I know Vital Viper, I’m a moderator on MCCP, I get around basically. Formerly I was scheduled to write for Dracophile’s website GatorAIDS but it was never officially launched and God only knows what he is doing with it right now, so he set me up an account here. I don’t know how active I’ll be, mostly because I was told that I can’t be really obscene. Yeah, uh huh, sure thing Dracophile.

Anyway for those of you who don’t use Twitter or follow the news or even pay any attention to the Internet Twitter was hacked the other day (lol Faux Newz). Even more hilarious than the fact that someone was ballsy enough to try and hack such a worthless website is the fact that it was done by the iRANiAN.CYBER.ARMY (it helps to play a “dun dun dunnnnn” in your head after reading that). I totally didn’t embellish that name at all, that’s what these jokers seriously called themselves, and rumor has it that they attacked Twitter as an anti-American effort online… while their provided contact information is a GMail address. I’m not sure if these people are just oblivious or completely retarded but GMail is something located in the United States, so nice job contradicting yourselves there guys, mad props to you. They must have called Google Tech Support and gotten an outsourced call and agreed that they were an acceptable service or something.

Twitterhack

But while we’re on the subject of GMail I noticed that they did indeed provide a means to contact them, so under the guise of “Robert Maestro” I sent them the following email. I’ll let you know what their response is as soon as I get it, if they don’t blow my house up first.

Greetings iRANiAN.CYBER.ARMY,

On behalf of a virtually unknown media outlet in Norway I would like to first commend you for the undertaking of disabling Twitter! I couldn’t help but notice that you left this email address as a means to contact you because you are Xxx-HaRdKoRe-1337-xxX hackers so please, I invite you to answer just a few questions for an assignment I have been given. Taking out a popular American service used only by 13 year olds to flirt with each other, soccer moms who want to inform the world of their latest bowel movement, and furries to promote their equally atrocious work is certainly one of the biggest accomplishments that will be seen in this passing decade! It will absolutely make the list of things in VH1’s sure-to-be-upcoming “I Love The 00’s”, just think how great it will be to hear Z-list American “celebrities” like Flava Flav and Bil Dwyer comment on YOUR work!

Firstly, I must ask you – why Twitter? Now, I am definitely not trying to assign inappropriate and racist labels, but the defacing of websites is normally called “cyber-terrorism” all over the world. Do you think that perhaps there are other, perhaps bigger, “priority targets” out there online? What about MySpace? That website is full of music that makes people commit hate crimes and also bisexual women of dubious origins who get bad reality TV shows named Tila Tequila, but mostly just the music and hate crimes part. Even FaceBook, what with all of those “mature” college-aged students posting pictures of them at drunken frat parties or giving fellatio to a goat (at drunken frat parties)? Wikipedia would be great for some covert ops because they never have their things together so your attacks would be small and go unnoticed for months until you pull the big heist! I’d say that taking out Twitter in the wide spectrum of things is a rather moot accomplishment because it’s mostly text message vomit but I’d really love to hear the story behind it.

Secondly, I’m just going to have to come on out and ask this, what’s with the “HACKED BY” image you left on Twitter? I mean, I’ve been using the Internet for a very long time and the last time I saw an image like that was in the late nineties whenever some script kiddie hacked a Pokemon fansite that he didn’t like and wanted to get back at the webmaster for ripping him off in a card trading deal. I am not speaking from personal experience, promise. But really, the black background and bright red text with random capitalizations? You’re Iran!! You couldn’t think of anything scarier or more ominous than that? If you’re going to take the Internet as SERIOUS business then it’s gonna take a lot more than a picture of a flag and some red letters in Birch STD to scare someone. Birch STD isn’t even a scary font, you gotta whip out the serious guns like Impact or Jokerman if you want to get a point across, because Impact says “hey you, you listen here mister”.

Finally, my last question, you’re a “cyber army”. Does this mean you’re an entity affilaited with the Iran government? If you are then why are you using an email address provided by GMail? Is there not an iRANiAN.CYBER.ARMY@irangovernment.ir address available? I mean, I know it must take some serious balls to say “hey Twitter take this” and completely deface the website and prevent people from knowing which celebrity Ashton Kutcher is taking pictures of with his Nikon camera – but you gotta have that government email address as that final detail on your masterpiece to say “yeah we totally did this also Twitter sucks”.

Can’t wait to hear back for my story and thanks for your time
- Robert Maestro
Senior Editor in Chief, Worldly News Weekly

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