Jan 14
Look at that! 2010 and a brand new shiny graphic that I’m sure I will be tired of by March. 2010 is also important because it means that quite literally the worst decade in the history of decades, the aptly named “Double Zeroes” (named as such because it fails twice as hard as regular decades), is over and perhaps mankind can move on from such crippling things as terrorist attacks, an emo economy, and Luke Wilson advertising AMERICA’S NEXT 4G NETWORK and focus on the more (de)pressing matters like even more terrorist attacks, an economy so emo that it now combs its hair over both of its eyes, and more than likely Whoopi Goldberg advertising the inevitable “5G” network.
I kid; I have high hopes that the 10’s will turn the world around because seeing “10’s” gives me a mental picture of a monster truck completely destroying everything, doing a backflip, and bursting into flames while the judges literally crap their pants and hold up cards reading “10″ while tacking all of their other score cards onto the end of it trying to give Grave Digger a score of “10,987,654,321″ (that’s almost 11 billion points folks, beat that Maximum Destruction). At the very least if the Mayans are right with their 2012 nonsense then this decade won’t even have a chance to turn bad so think of it like that, it’s always great to stay positive!
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Tagged with: 10 years after • crap • internet • nostalgia • television • video games
Oct 31
Author’s Note: Portions of this article were originally written as a part of RFSHQ.com’s lineup on May 15th, 2006 (“Afterlife TV”). Excerpts have been modified and new content has been added to it since its original posting.
It’s Halloween and I’d like to be the first writer on VitalViper.com to usher in the holiday and wish you all the best, and by “all the best” I mean don’t eat razor blade apples and if you see Michael Jackson in his Thriller get up then he is actually a zombie and you should RUN. Halloween is that time of the year when everybody fawns over spooky stuff and television networks air all of their scary programming. Nickelodeon is airing special “Spooktacular” episodes of Spongebob Squarepants, Cartoon Network is beating Goosebumps into the ground (which is not even a cartoon great job), American Movie Classics is showing their stock of so-bad-it’s-great horror flicks, and C-SPAN is… well they are just doing business as-is because on any given day watching the American government system self destruct is scary in its own right.
Perhaps the most recognizable facet of Halloween, though, is Syfy’s annual marathon of their Ghost Hunters show, one of many shows on television that manage to never actually produce anything worthwhile but still get greenlit for second, third, and fourth seasons. Do I believe in spirits and ghosts? Well to some extent yes, that’s debatable, but that’s not the main idea of this article. Television shows like Travel Channel’s Most Haunted and Syfy’s Ghost Hunters are so poorly faked that they essentially become programming that would be better suited as late night drunken frat boy fodder on Comedy Central.
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Tagged with: crap • ghost hunters • syfy channel • television
